Please Don’t Squeeze the Charmin!

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Have you ever wondered what people centuries from now will think about our culture? It’s anybody’s guess. In her book A Fistful of Fig Newtons, novelist Jean Shepherd depicts a group of archaeologists in the distant future who are excavating the remains of New York City.

Burrowing under Madison Avenue, the heart of the world of modern advertising, they discover tin canisters holding reels of videotape containing hours and hours of television commercials from our time

The archaeologists determine these reels must have something to say about what was important to us. They finally find a way to view these tapes. They grow excited with anticipation.

One of the videotapes contains a scene in which three women move into the foreground. They are pushing carts of some kind. The three of them stop and reverently pick up some mysterious white circular rolls. Their eyes glaze in ecstasy as they handle the rolls.

A stern male figure arrives, clad in a white uniform
. He resembles a guard or an officer of some kind. “Ladies,” he says, “please don’t squeeze the Charmin!” The three women continue to squeeze the rolls, with even more intensity.

The guard, overcome by emotion, himself begins to squeeze a roll. One woman squeals: “I just can’t help it, Mr. Whipple.” Nervously the guard squeezes even harder. “See, Mr. Whipple, Charmin’s so squeezably soft!”

Amazed at the apparent significance of this archaeological find, the leader of the excavation says, If we can find out what was on those Charmins, or what they were used for, I believe we would know what their civilization was all about, what they believed in.

When your great, great, great, great grandchildren dig through and look at your belongings 300 years from today, what will they find and what will they think of you?
A God Alert
A worn, torn checkbook and how you spent your money. Photos and videos of how you spent your time. Your bible and religious articles and how worn or new they looked. Your emails of what you said about the newsworthy people and the hot topics of 2019 and how your emails played out in history against what was happening in their world of 2319. A God Provide

Will any of these articles that you leave behind have any value or make any more sense than
, “Please don’t squeeze the Charmin!”

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