On Monday, January 11th I published the story “Do As I Say, Not As I Do”. from the New York Post. Helena Duke, an 18-year old woman, was tossed out her house in Massachusetts by her mother Therese last summer for wanting to go to a Black Lives Matter rally. Last week her mother lied to her that she was going visit her aunt and take her to the doctor. Her mother really went to the Pro-Trump March on Washington last Wednesday.
While there her mother was filmed grabbing a smart phone from a Black woman officer. Her mother wound up getting hit with blood pouring down her face. Helena took to social media saying, “hi mom remember the time you told me I shouldn’t go to BLM protests bc they could get violent…this you?”
Helena says, “I’m not surprised that these actions occurred or that my mom was involved with it because I think at this point, all she had in her head was that whatever the president tells her is right and is what she will go along with. So I think she had in her mind this was the right thing to do,” she said.
I asked readers for their comments and I appreciate that ten people have responded. One gentleman called with his response. Thank you so much for getting back to me.
The responses covered a wide spectrum of points, from the breakdown of family life and family structure to social media being the cause of what is wrong today. A number of people made the point that God was no longer at the center of life today and our country will be in trouble as long as this is the case. I pretty much felt that most people were saying that it was a sorry mess with no easy answers to be found.
I was honestly looking for someone who would point to a path out of this quagmire that applied to this mother-daughter family matter and especially to the divisive split that runs through the heart of our nation.
I felt that Aaron Seret’s email did just that……
Hello Fr. Med … I read your reflection today – “Do as I say …”
I’m certainly in no position to counsel others, as you. My gut says this … the 18-year old daughter is of age to have made the decision to attend the BLM gathering. Likewise, mom had the right to go to D.C. Both should’ve known of any consequences of anything getting “ugly” … here’s the difference … the daughter told mom the truth. Mom lied to her 18-year old (adult) daughter.
A discussion of right vs wrong needs to be shared between mom & daughter. Each one wanted to do the “right” thing, based on their beliefs, but the truth of what they thought was “right” could only be shared by one of them.
In order to establish trust….The discussion between mom & daughter needs to be about trust. This will ensure a strong mother-daughter bond in the future. Until then, they must be told that without trust, there can be no relationship. We too need to put our complete trust in God, as we go through these very difficult times. If we don’t, what does that say about our personal relationship with our Father?
Pray for our country!
Thanks! Have a great week!
On Tuesday, January 5th, the day before the mayhem in Washington, I wrote and published in TreatsfortheSoul.org:
We have a crisis in Truth and in Trust. Without Truth we don’t know what road to go down. Without Trust we don’t know who to go with down that road. This is the biggest crisis we face right now as a nation and as individuals.
Was the mother Therese wrong in lying to her daughter Helena? Or was it just a “little white lie”, no big deal? Why do you say that? What kind of trust in the relationship going forward needs to happen for the mother and the daughter? Does Therese need to tell Helena that she was wrong? Does she need to tell her daughter that she is sorry for lying to her? Why is asking forgiveness from her daughter necessary?
Why was it wrong for Helena to go to social media to out her mother? Or was it wrong in your opinion? (Today a lot of things are not seen as wrong!) Do you think she did it solely because of spite or hate because Therese would not let her go to the BLM rally and tossed her out of the house? Does Helena need to tell her mother why she is sorry for outing her? What does Helena need to do to reconcile herself to her mother.
Last night I was on the telephone with a good friend of mine who is a Sports Medicine Doctor. He shared with me that his primary medical teacher in med school had it in for Blacks and for Polish people. One Black med student was so oppressed in class that she committed suicide. My doctor friend is Polish so he then got the brunt of her hostility. Years went by and out of the clear blue my doctor friend got a call from his former teacher who had harassed him mercilessly. She was calling to say that she had terminal cancer and was dying. She went on and on about all the things she had done to hurt him and her other students in med school. She expressed her deepest sorrow. Of course my friend forgave her. A week later she was dead.
There is a week to go and President Trump will no longer be in the Oval Office. No one can control what he will think, say or do in the next week. But you and I can control what goes on in our own Oval Head. If YOU were President Trump sitting in the Oval Office what would you say to people who you as President offended in the past four years? Would you say that you are sorry? Would you ask for their forgiveness? Presidents leave a note or a letter in the desk of the Oval Office for the incoming President. Write a note or a letter for President Biden that you would leave in the desk for him to read from you upon his arrival.
GOD CREATED YOU TO DO MORE THAN SPEND YOUR LIFE STARING AT A SCREEN!